Madison Square Park is gothic and creepy--roiling at its corners are Masons, Satanists, Illuminati, and everything else that terrified Robert Anton Wilson. It seems almost exclusively devoted to secret histories.

The first thing to unnerve me was a monument to Chester A. Arthur who was the 21st President of the United States. Now, I'm enough of a history buff to recall the achievements of most presidents--but Arthur? The guy was born in Vermont where I lived for 4 years and I still hadn't heard of him. Turns out he replaced the big man Garfield in 1881 after Garfield took a bullet to his fat belly and Chester finished his term. Now Chester was known for two notable acts-one decent, one ignominious. He was the father of the civil service by passing the Pendleton Civil Service Reform Act which insured plenty of government jobs for those who could pass a written examination. Notoriously, he also passed the Chinese Exclusion Act which banned immigration of coolie laborers for the next ten years-(we must have not need any railroad track lain at that point.)) Perhaps he was good essentially (Mark Twain gave his administration a ringing endorsement) but ultimately chose to a certain anonynimity as this is his most famous attribution: "I may be president of the United States, but my private life is nobody's damned business."

"Damn the torpedoes," quoth one Union admiral envired in front of the Madison Square Park reflecting pool overlooking legions of plaid-shorted Euro-tourists suffering mild heat strokes. David Glasgow Farragut, admiral of the U.S. Navy, was a hero of both the War of 1812 and the Civil War. In his finest moment he led his fleet to victory against the Confederates in the Battle of Mobile Bay, navigating full steam through a minefield (which were called "torpedoes" back then). When the USS Tecumseh hit a depth charge and sank, the fleet began to retreat. Lashed to the rigging of his flagship Hartford, he signaled by way of trumpet, "What's the Trouble?," to which the response from the USS Brooklyn was "Torpedoes," and he lay down that famous line before ordering the ships full steam ahead and winning a crucial naval victory.

So why hadn't I heard of him before looking him up? I'm enough of a Civil War buff to know that if Lee had listened to Longstreet, flanked Meade instead of sending Pickett up the middle, the Confederacy would have won. I'm enough of a Tennessean to know Davy Crockett, John Sevier, Sequoyah, Andrew Jackson, Minnie Pearle, Dolly Parton, and even Popcorn Sutton, but I really had never, ever heard of Admiral Farragut, even though he was born 50 miles from where I was. As though to rub mud in my face at my ignorance of this native kinsman, I stumbled upon Farragut Square in Washington D.C. last weekend. Looking upon the stoic image this man cut, I'd say he probably caught the eye of bronze sculptors and maybe even Lincoln himself to whom he was a favorite.
Well, there's plenty more of Madison Square Park to visit, so check back later in the week for the second installment of my tour!